“Forbidden chocolate brownies”

I love brownies. They’re the quintessential tray-baked chocolate hit. Although I’ve got another recipe I’m very happy with, it’s always nice to try something new.

These are from Red Velvet & Chocolate Heartache, a recipe book I’ve got very mixed feelings about. Indeed, I don’t think I’ve ever reacted quite so strongly to a recipe book. Look, I’m going to have a rant ok? I know I should probably do it on my blog, but well, I’m doing it here, so tough.

This book was a Christmas present from my mum, and although in many ways I’m very much in a suitable demographic – like the author, Harry Eastwood, I love cakes (obviously), and I’m fascinated by using vegetables in cakes – in others I’m just so far off, I’m clashing. Notably, possibly, because I’m a male who’s not interested in “cooking myself thin” – to me, food is about balance, with indulgence in the form of decent home-made cakes and puddings balanced by good wholesome nutritious meals.

The most irritating thing about this book is its insistence on photos of Eastwood and her chums, and their offspring. Too many photos of them. I blame Sir Jamie. As much as I have a deep admiration for Jamie Oliver, arguably he started the trend for cookbooks with loads of photos of the smirking chef. In the 1970s and 1980s, the cookbooks I grew up maybe had a photo of Delia or Prue on the cover, then inside you might have had pics of the food. Much as I don”t want a few dozen pics of Jamie and his mates smirking in his recipe books, I don’t want them of Eastwood and her crew here. I don’t want to see the cook with her fancy necklace and sunglasses and fairy wings (and, hell, adults shouldn’t really even wear fairy wings – at least not outside the confines of a festival, and even there it’s questionable). Pics of food – great. Pics of cook and friends – not so great.

That’s not her only crime though. She anthropomorphises her cakes, frequently referring to them as “she”. And frequently, painfully mangling metaphors. In the case of these brownies, we get “This recipe is dangerous. Sinful and completely irresistible, this brownie is so wicked you could drown in it. Like a bad man, this is a girl’s deathbed. If it were poison, you would still be glad you’d tried it.” Eh? So it’s a body of water, that’s a man, who’s a bed, which is poisonous? What are you on about Harry?

Still, ranting aside, a recipe book is only as good as its recipes. So until I’ve tried a few more of the recipes in the book, I should chill out on the ranting…. except I can’t. Jeez. I’m going to have to cover the irritating pics up. And even just glancing at her descriptions of cakes as female is making me grind my teeth. “She’s everything you’re not allowed.” No she isn’t. She’s an it. It’s a cake. You are allowed cake.

Anyway, the recipe. The brownies. Well, compared to my double-choc ones, making these is arduous. My double choc ones are a five minute job, these are a half-hour job. So in my thinking they should be six times as good. Well they’re not. They’re very nice indeed, and another great way to use beetroot – which combines so well with chocolate. Plus, they do get a lovely flavour from the use of ground hazelnuts. But they’re just a bit convoluted to make.

After that rant, I’m not sure I can face typing out the recipe in full… here’s a simplified, tweaked version.

Preheat the oven to 160C, or 140C if you’ve got a fan oven.

Grind 100g of hazelnuts in a processor until they’re as fine as you can manage. Set them aside, then grind up 150g dark choc in the processor too. Leave it in the processor bowl.

Grind Peel and dice 400g of beetroot, and microwave it for 10 mins in a bowl with a little water, and clingfilm over the top. (I didn’t grow up with a microwave, so that’s a nifty lesson.)

Whisk together 3 eggs, 250g light soft brown sugar and 1/4 t salt in a roomy bowl with a handheld electric whisk. Keep going until it’s trebled in volume (about 5 mins).

Add the hazelnuts, 2 T white rice flour, 70g cocoa, 2 t baking powder and 1 t vanilla extract to the egg mix and combine.

When the beetroot is cooked, add it to the processor, and puree it. The heat of the beet will melt the ground choc. When all nicely pureed and melted, fold this mix into the egg mix.

You can sprinkle it with some more chopped hazelnuts, then bake for 35 mins.